Hi!
Newsletter #9. What a week. What a year. What a whole presidential term. It might take a very long time before I can write about what’s happened the last four years…
In pandemic weeks, we are at least six months into 2021, but it is, in fact, still January. And so, it's not too late to talk about the new year and the arbitrary sense that we should commit ourselves to accomplishing something. I hate New Year’s resolutions. The phrase makes me cringe. Maybe it’s because I have issues with hope. (See Newsletter #7.) Or maybe it's the collective ambition to do more than was previously being done. Lose weight, get a better job, make more money, write more pages. More, more, more. Maybe I just don’t like the pressure. Maybe I just want to take a nap.
Thankfully, I avoided this Gregorian-centric tradition by instead working with the planets during the Great Conjunction of 2020, a time when Jupiter and Saturn are closest to each other, a rare occurrence which only happens every 800 years. It’s a good time to work on long-term planning and creating your life’s mission statement. I won’t spend too much time talking about what I’m going to do because, for one, I’m too damn busy doing it. (I have to really consider making this a bi-monthly newsletter instead of a weekly one for that reason.) And for two, I don’t want to bore myself (or you) with this kind of motivational writing. Moreover, I don’t like to posit myself as knowing any more about getting through this life than the next person. I’m figuring it out, just like everyone else. Though, in writing this at all I know I’ve made some difference if even by the simple principles of physics. In the act of opening up your email or clicking the link to read this newsletter, I’ve already created a wrinkle in time. In the least, I’ve changed how you’ve spent thirty minutes of your day. Maybe along the way, I’ve provided a moment to think about how what I’ve written applies to you, and of course, the opportunity to reject it. In that sense, maybe you’ve learned a little more about yourself. (Shit. This is starting to sound a little motivational.)
Perhaps it was turning 40. Or else it was the chaos of this pandemic or it was Jupiter and Saturn, but I’ve been struck with a motivation that feels necessary. It doesn’t so much feel like a choice as it does a gravitational pull. Maybe it’s temporary. January has a way of doing this to people. I could very well abandon all this like a dusty exercise bike in the back of the garage. Not doing is just so much easier. Resistance has always had a seat at my table and I have been feeding that motherfucker way too much. This week I came upon a line in Toni Morrison’s Beloved that spoke to this sentiment:
“The one set of plans she made…went awry so completely she never dared life by making more.”
I think this explains why I’m such an anxious traveller. Because leading up to a trip someone will inevitably break their arm, lose their wallet, forget their whole suit when the event you’re flying to is a wedding, or not have made the reservation and so you have to sleep in a horse stall for a night. These are the more laughable traumas I have around making plans. The other traumas, well, that’s what fiction is for.
It also makes sense why I’m afraid of the dark. (See Newsletter #5) I am paralyzed by the fear of what I can’t see and what I don’t know. Plan making in this sense would be allowing my eyes to adjust to the light or learning how to feel my way around in the dark. I can’t do that, however, if I think that monsters are going to eat me alive. I would need tools for this. It would take some kind of special motivation. It might even require hope.
So rather than sitting in the dark dreading the manangaal will suck out my insides, I’ve made plans instead. Here’s a few things I’m leaning on to help me along the way:
This is a tarot spread by Sarah Faith Gottesdiener (IG: @gottess). What I love about this spread is the opportunity to pick out a card that symbolizes my intention and building the reading around that. So much of pulling cards feels like you leave a lot for the fates to decide. This spread makes room for your own vision and intentions. This is the spread I used during the Great Conjunction. Since it was a big reading for my life’s vision, I picked 3 cards for my number 1 card instead of just one.
I may write more about what cards I picked as my intention cards. But for now I’ll share with you the 10 of Cups. This is a card of joy. It portends emotional stability and happiness particularly in the home and in relationships. I can’t recall ever pulling this card in the past. My girlfriend, Jasmine, said it’s because I got issues with the joy. I can’t say that she’s wrong. Being a true Capricorn, I’ve always focused on accomplishments, the concept of actually finding the joy in them is quite foreign to me. I hope to explore what’s that all about. (I usually work with the Apparition deck by Mary Elizabeth Evans, but in this case the Smith-Waite deck was more on on the money.)
I’ve been bullet journaling since 2019. I’m such a nerd for this that I volunteer to help folks learn this method. (Hit me up if you want to learn!). I have ideas all the time. This method help me filter out what ideas I want to keep and what ideas I can maybe re-visit later. By recording every idea and to-do, then sorting them out systematically, The Bullet Journal Method helps me to prioritize and keep my eye on whatever the prize is at the time. It has also helped me carry out the herculean task of organizing my sock drawer.
Accountability partners. My first attempt at having an accountability was a flop. I just wasn’t ready. (Sorry, David Levitus!) This time around I’m working with accountability in a few different ways. The first is this newsletter—a kind of public accountability to tell world what I’m going to do and then do it. I’m working with several accountability partners for different focus areas: writing, career, and mental health. ( I have some exciting news about that, but I can’t share just yet. Stay tuned!) A type of accountability group is also important. I was lucky enough to start the year setting writing goals with a group during Neela Banerjee’s BIPOC Writing Workshop.
Women Who Submit has been on my radar for a long time, but I’ve previously not had the momentum to make new work and actually have something to submit. I’m attending their new member orientation event on Feb. 13th.
BIPOC writing Party happens every Monday night at 5pm PT/ 8pm ET. I can’t always make that time, but the prompts are always posted afterward. I was most recently inspired by poet and magic maker, Hari Alluri, to make up my own tarot card. I came with up something akin to the Hanged Man—a fairy stuck in a spider web.
And that’s all I’ve got time for!
See you next week! (Or in two weeks. Haven’t decided about that yet.)
~j9